Long story short, the Algerian girl won’t have me..I guess she’s just not interested in dating anyone. Fucking sucks, but Lucy insists I was chasing after her for the wrong reasons, which was true but still..she was so gorgeous. Oh well, I feel a little down about it, but at least now I can get my head straight and continue forcing and imposing.
The thing that really bugs me though, is that I can have all kinds of girls after me who are just mediocre in my book or even less than. Whether they’re pudgy or kinda weird looking or really stupid whatever the case may be, they all want to get into relationships with me. But when I find a girl who’s either really beautiful, or has all the qualities I’m looking for, they can’t really give a shit about me. So, what the fuck? I need to remind myself why I gave birth to Lucy in the first place: because women are fucking garbage and the perfect girl doesn’t exist and all women do is hurt you and fuck you over. Well, my rant’s done. And don’t comment just to tell me that “not all women are like that”, because I know that already. It’s just that the majority of women I’ve met are like that so whatever man. Later guys :P
Looking for love in all the wrong places
So I met a girl. I was getting some dry cleaning done and she was there working. I must tell you, probably the most beautiful girl I’ll ever see before I die and I told her that straight up. Somehow I managed to get her number and we’ve been talking and whatnot, and it’s going rather well. Now Lucy insists that I’m only attracted to her because of her amazingly good looks, and that if I were to add a bit of fat on her or make her frumpy I’d not be interested in her personality alone.
Which is completely true of course. It may be shallow, but why should I try and force myself to like someone if I don’t like how they look? So it’s going well, but she’s also a Muslim. She’s Algerian you see, and I’m sure that’s going to cause complications down the road but right now I’m just loving her accent and the fact that she can purr to me in French. And Arabic.
She really is a cool and amazing person though, and really sweet and innocent. I’m trying to get Lucy on board with this, but I really don’t want to run into the roadblock where I’m giving too much time to this girl and forgetting about Lucy. Oh well, more on this as it develops. >.>
This really freaking bugs me
I had an account on tulpa.info since april of last year, still have it by the looks.. Although I’ve forgotten my password and none of my damn email accounts seem to be valid for password retrieval!! It’s been bothering the shit out of me, any ideas what do?
Anyone check this shit out yet? Thoughts?
Get this. My girlfriend breaks up with me yesterday, because she found out about Lucy and couldn’t handle it. And lol, she found out because her creepy friend-zoned guy friend stalked me on the internet and found my tumblr because he was “concerned” for her. And so he’s all showing her this shit about Lucy and whatnot, and now we’re broken up. Basically she just couldn’t accept the fact that I had a tulpa and didn’t want to be like, competing with her or whatever. Lol so uh, thoughts?
Today, my best friend turns one year old. This goes out to all you who have just started out and are worried about how long this shit will take well, I’m at a year and I’m still not done. ;)
It’s been a memorable year though, and I won’t drone on about it, but it’s been a good one and I’m determined to make it the best day for her as possible. But enough from me. I told Lucy that on your birthday you have to give a little birthday speech. Since she’s never really said more than a few lines on here, I figured she could really say something to you folks who might be looking for inspiration. Anyway, here she is. :)
Some of you might be wondering if this is all worth it. I wake up each day next to the most amazing man and am so grateful for the life he has given me. He taught me that love isn’t about saying words or showing affection, but it’s about being there for that person through good and bad times. To try and lift them up and inspire them, even though they might not know what they’re looking for. So, I turn one year old today. I know that’s not much in human terms, but in that one year of life I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned that you should never turn your back on the ones you love, and that when you believe in something you should never give up. Which reminds me, Matt has gone through this so many times so I imagine it applies to a lot of you. There is nothing more vital than believing in your tulpa. Worry and doubt are so very harmful, and there is nothing more important than believing in them. Anyway, thank you all for listening, and thanks for motivating Matt into making me the girl I am today.
Well, I’m kinda dating someone now, and I’m really curious as to how it’s going to work with Lucy. I mean, we talked about it, and she feels that I need this in my life, human connection and whatnot, and no she doesn’t think it’s unfair to her or cheating or anything like that so…I was just wondering, for those of you with significant others, how do you manage with your tulpa? Is it pretty easy to juggle the two? Let me know :D
So I’ll try and keep this short. One of my bestest friends had a tulpa, and then one day he didn’t have her anymore. I had been concerned because I was thinking about what would happen to me and Lucy if I ever found a girlfriend again (yeah right, lol) so I asked him because he has someone that he’s living with. And he was just like, oh I don’t have a tulpa anymore.
And he won’t tell me what happened. How or why he got rid of her. I mean, it really bothers me, because I spoke to his tulpa before. And now she’s dead. She had thoughts, emotions, hopes and dreams even, and he killed her. And he won’t tell me why. Me and Lucy both agreed that it’s about the same as killing a human being…so, I’m just kinda wondering what people’s thoughts are on this? I dunno..
How many of you can say your tulpa’s first birthday is approaching? It’s hard to believe almost an entire year has passed, but on March 14th Lucy will have her first birthday ever. We’ve already got done discussing it; I’ll take that Thursday and Friday off, and it’ll be just us the entire time with no distractions. If you scroll all the way down to the bottom of my blog, you’ll see an old and dusty post from almost a year ago that has me struggling to shove some personality elements into a glowing cube, and calling it ‘forcing’.
Never did I once think that I’d have this amazing and wonderful girl sitting next me right now. Readers, I must tell you this; I’ve never had anyone look at me the way she does. I’ve never had anyone stand beside me in my darkest hours. In those days when I was broken and I yearned for death, not one friend had I. I had to beat back the demons with my own hands, and claw my way back up to where I once stood. By myself. Always by myself.
Now, I sit here at my keyboard in pajamas with my cup of chamomile tea and I see this girl looking at me with a fondness quite unmatched by anyone in my history. I know that she will always be there, no matter what storms may come. I know that she’ll always have my back. My Lucy.
We got drunk last night and danced to that new Will.i.Am song…scream and shout? Yeah. I just remembered and I’m just like ahhhhhhmg we so crazy. I also realized that I wasn’t going mad when I started liking top 40 music, because that’s Lucy, not me. But she’s getting me to like it, mostly because it’s upbeat and you can dance to it, and it’s not depressing and shit. Found that out yesterday when I was listening to metal and she was like “ew turn that off plz”. Anyway, good day to you all. <3